PayPal Donations for Website
IP; 173.199.80.222:4478

Latest topics
» Ah... The momories
Thu Aug 23, 2012 5:14 pm by rasskul

» Nevr's Cod4 App =)
Sat Aug 15, 2009 1:28 pm by Yons

» her0subs bf2 and wow app
Sat Aug 15, 2009 4:11 am by Yons

» Hey all been a while ...
Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:46 pm by oldboi3

» applying for bf2 [Accepted]
Sun Jul 26, 2009 2:16 pm by Something8r

» NEW FORUMS - PLEASE REGISTER
Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:53 am by rasskul

» this
Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:33 am by DETTONATOR

» LOL best ad ever! Worldwide phenominon.
Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:00 am by Piesyô

» Ok..
Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:30 am by R3APR

» Application|COD5 - FragMayo
Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:33 pm by Ultimate_Sacrifice

Search
 
 

Display results as :
 


Rechercher Advanced Search

Statistics
We have 231 registered users
The newest registered user is Nevrsaydie

Our users have posted a total of 20505 messages in 2193 subjects

Jokes

Page 9 of 9 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:55 pm

A kid spends a year or so doing sit-ups, but he has bad form. His form is so bad, that only the right side of his stomach is being worked out. So now, whenever he takes his shirt off in front of a group of people, everyone notices that the right side of his stomach features well defined abdominal muscles, while the left side is relatively flabby. The question is, do his friends call him "righty" because of the niceness of his right side, or "lefty" because of his relatively unflattering left side?

The answer is neither. They continue to call him tree-head because he has a 10 foot tree growing from his skull.

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Antwally0 on Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:06 am

DETTONATOR wrote:A kid spends a year or so doing sit-ups, but he has bad form. His form is so bad, that only the right side of his stomach is being worked out. So now, whenever he takes his shirt off in front of a group of people, everyone notices that the right side of his stomach features well defined abdominal muscles, while the left side is relatively flabby. The question is, do his friends call him "righty" because of the niceness of his right side, or "lefty" because of his relatively unflattering left side?

The answer is neither. They continue to call him tree-head because he has a 10 foot tree growing from his skull.

WTF!!!! Huh Huh
avatar
Antwally0
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 834
Age : 47
Location : Melbourne Victoria
Xfire : Antwally0
Facts : .....

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:28 am

ROFL thats wat i said lol

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Something8r on Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:40 am

LOL rofl rofl anti jokes ftw

_________________

Intel Q9450 - Gigabyte EP45-DS4P - 4GB Corsair XMS2 - Sapphire HD4870
avatar
Something8r
Battlefield 2: 2nd In Charge
Battlefield 2: 2nd In Charge

Number of posts : 867
Age : 108
Xfire : Somethingin8r
Facts : Three comedians trip over a drum kit. Dudum Tish.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:46 am

Let's Face It. English Is a Stupid Language.

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Sgt. Dobbsy on Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:01 am

Hahaha awesome, and now we have such awesome words. Roffle, lohl and limow! GAH STOP SAYING ACRONYMS!! bored
avatar
Sgt. Dobbsy
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 11
Location : Auckland
Xfire : sweedazz101
Facts : I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:53 am

The most academic joke I have ever been forwarded!


Friday, 1. July 2005, 18:04:00
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek.Unfortunately Einstein is has to seek and is supposed to count upto 100 and then start searching.

Everyone starts hiding except Newton - he just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rite in front of Einstein.

Einstein keeps counting......97,98,99.....100........

He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.

Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....." Newton denies and says i am not out. He claims that he is not Newton!!

All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........


how???????


Proof:

Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.
That means i am Newton per meter square.
Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal,
Pascal is OUT.

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  ACHIMY on Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:31 am

http://www.aristocratsjokes.com/joke.php?id=2794&listtype=1 for something8r and deto, i warn u, its a very messed up and offensive joke. but i still laughed.
avatar
ACHIMY
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 10
Location : milky way
Xfire : achimy
Facts : What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is an edible substance the other is a person who believes in judaism.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:58 am

ROFL the good old aristocrats one. i got the dvd about the joke with about 50 different versions lol. its soo gooood. rofl rofl rofl rofl

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  ACHIMY on Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:16 am

now i feel lame....................-_- rofl.
avatar
ACHIMY
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 10
Location : milky way
Xfire : achimy
Facts : What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is an edible substance the other is a person who believes in judaism.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:14 pm

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman's husband also comes home. Panicked, she puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have a football."
Man "That's nice."
Boy "Want to buy it?"
Man "No, thanks."
Boy "My dad's outside."
Man "OK, how much?" Boy - $250

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy "Dark in here."
Man "Yes, it is."
Boy "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy "$750" Man "Sold."

A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of footy.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father says, "What?! Why?! How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. You're going to church to confess!"

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Brotherofzit on Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:15 pm

Abraham was a struggling Israeli wrestling promoter. He's wandering thru the back blocks of Tel Aviv one afternoon and see's a huge Israeli lad bench pressing a camel. Impressed, he approach's him and asked if he's interested in a wrestling career.
"I cun beet enyone" say's Abdul, so he hires him immediately. Abdul quickly rises thru the ranks with his devastating form until he finally has a shot at the world title.
"Now listen here" say's Abraham, "You're going up against Mohammad, the Turkish and current World Champion. He only has one hold. The Turkish Delight. No one has ever escaped from it."
"Don't worry, I cun beet enyone" says Abdul.
The big nite arrives, capacity house. The bell rings and the warriors collide in center ring. 15 seconds later, Mohammad gets Abdul in the Turkish Delight hold. Abraham sigh's and turns to leave the center with head hung low. Halfway out the door he hears a horrific scream. Turning he see's Abdul with the Turkish guy held high over his head. He slams him to the floor and pins him for the three count. Teary eyed Abraham rush's to the ring and embraces his heroic warrior.
"How did you do it Abdul, no one ever escapes the Turkish Delight" says Abraham.
"Well its like this" says Abdul. "I was on the floor, left leg wrapped around my right shoulder, right leg wrapped around my left shoulder, in the most incredible pain I have ever experienced. I looked up to get Gods help, and I saw a pair of balls dangling in front of my face .................................. so I bit them!!"



"Amazing the strength you get when you bite your own balls" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________
avatar
Brotherofzit
Desert Combat: 2nd In Charge
Desert Combat: 2nd In Charge

Number of posts : 634
Age : 55
Location : Brisbane
Xfire : Brotherofzit
Facts : BEER DRINKING IS A HOBBY!!!!

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  bobo352 on Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:21 pm

HAHAHHAHAH:L:L:L laugh
avatar
bobo352
CoD4: Modern Warfare: Priority Division
CoD4: Modern Warfare: Priority Division

Number of posts : 10
Location : Brizzy
Xfire : cod4urass

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  ACHIMY on Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:55 pm

Why is a duck? Because the higher it flies the much.

What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs is both the same.
avatar
ACHIMY
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 10
Location : milky way
Xfire : achimy
Facts : What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is an edible substance the other is a person who believes in judaism.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:48 pm

WARNING: WRITTEN BY THE GUYS WHO ROTE SOUTH PARK, ORGASMO AND BASEKETBALL! WATCH AT OWN RISK

for achimy. southpark version of aristocrats.


http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=v7u6xjqodj

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  GR1MMR34P3R on Mon Jul 20, 2009 11:28 pm

roflcopter to the max rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

although i still feel sickened by the joke its funny
avatar
GR1MMR34P3R
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 153
Age : 27
Location : Melbourne, Frankston
Xfire : gr1mmr34p3r
Facts : Ask me why i fight and I'll answer, that i fight for ourselves and souls, i fight against despair for without hope there's no life.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  ACHIMY on Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:30 am

lol, madness. who ever thought of joke must have been severely bored
avatar
ACHIMY
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 10
Location : milky way
Xfire : achimy
Facts : What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is an edible substance the other is a person who believes in judaism.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  SepTriX on Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:28 am

scared
avatar
SepTriX
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 531
Age : 27
Location : Penrith, NSW.
Xfire : SepTriX
Facts : Uber Knifer

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/jordo_x90

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:38 am

I Thought little kids was ur thing trixy. rofl rofl laugh

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Something8r on Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:48 am

LOL owned

_________________

Intel Q9450 - Gigabyte EP45-DS4P - 4GB Corsair XMS2 - Sapphire HD4870
avatar
Something8r
Battlefield 2: 2nd In Charge
Battlefield 2: 2nd In Charge

Number of posts : 867
Age : 108
Xfire : Somethingin8r
Facts : Three comedians trip over a drum kit. Dudum Tish.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  GR1MMR34P3R on Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:07 am

DETTONATOR wrote:I Thought little kids was ur thing trixy. rofl rofl laugh

He's right, isn't he?
avatar
GR1MMR34P3R
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 153
Age : 27
Location : Melbourne, Frankston
Xfire : gr1mmr34p3r
Facts : Ask me why i fight and I'll answer, that i fight for ourselves and souls, i fight against despair for without hope there's no life.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  SepTriX on Wed Jul 22, 2009 6:18 am

Freddy Fittler, after round 10 and the Roosters struggling, finally decided he needed a bit of help with his coaching... So he wandered down to have a chat with Wayne Bennett at training...

He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"

Wayne said "Look, Freddy, youíve been around a long time...but ill give you a tip. You have to make your players intelligent... Wait ill explain."

Bennett says "Wendell, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister?"

The Big Dell has a little chuckle and says "Thatís easy...its ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.

Fittler is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.

"Braith" he says..."Come over here mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister...?"

Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Freddy give me some time to think about it and ill get back to ya!"

Freddy says "Alright. Ill ask you again tomorrow."

Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...

"Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but its not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."

Gus says... "Thatís easy mate, its ME!"
Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.

Braith goes up to Freddy and Freddy asks the question again...

"Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but its not your brother or sister!!!"

Briath lets out a grin and says "Thatís too easy, I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"

Fittler snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2009... "No, you idiot!!! Its Wendell Sailor!!!"
avatar
SepTriX
Battlefield 2: Priority Division
Battlefield 2: Priority Division

Number of posts : 531
Age : 27
Location : Penrith, NSW.
Xfire : SepTriX
Facts : Uber Knifer

View user profile http://www.myspace.com/jordo_x90

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  DETTONATOR on Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:58 pm

ROFLMAO!! NRL FAILS!

_________________

avatar
DETTONATOR
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer
Battlefield 2: 2nd Officer

Number of posts : 637
Age : 26
Location : Sydney Australia
Xfire : dettonator
Facts : GO SWANNIES!!! 09 IS UR YEAR BOYS!!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!



View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Jokes

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 9 of 9 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum